38.5

*Warning: this is kind of a long story...you'll see why. If you want to skip over to the cute pictures feel free to scroll down to the bottom. You won't be sorry you did!*

38.5 is the number of hours I labored for to bring Tennyson into this world. Often times when I would hear of other women who would say "my labor took 'x' hours" I would cringe and silently pray for a miraculous 4-6 hour labor where everything went just the way it was suppose to be.

As most people know, I planned on laboring 100% naturally: No artificial hormones, pain killers, nothing. I also took hypnobirthing classes and practiced my hypnobirthing techniques in order to help myself get through each contraction throughout labor. So when people hear that my labor was 38.5 hours long their initial reaction/s were "well what went wrong" and "why didn't you go to a hospital" or "why didn't you do [insert suggestion here]". Well I'm happy to report that everything went perfectly (inspite of the 38.5 hour labor) and I wouldn't have changes one little bit of my entire experience. Actually, I would have changed just one part of the experience. But I'll get to that later.

I know people are just dying to know what happened and how on earth I was still able to deliver naturally. To everyone who sent me loving vibes and messages of strength I promise you they helped. I felt your love cheering me on and am so grateful for all the prayers that helped sustain me. Your out pour of love touched me so deeply.

Since labor I have learned that when someone has enough will power and determination to do what they know in their heart of hearts is best for their children, they WILL do it at what ever cost. Here is our story:

After our Valentines Day dinner in SLC, Tristin and I got home at 11pm and fell asleep at around 1am Saturday morning. Throughout that morning however I felt mild cramping that would come and go and got so excited that I was most likely in pre-labor. The cramping cycles kept me up most of the night but I eventually was able to get about 4 hours of sleep starting at 6am. By the time I woke, my pre-labor pains had gone away and I was really disappointed that my laboring day was not turning out to be that day.

However, that evening my pre-labor pains intensified by 11pm and by 12am Sunday the 16th I started to track my contractions hoping I was finally in the labor stage. From Saturday 11pm-Sunday 7am Tristin and I tracked my contractions but they were strangely sporadic and followed no pattern whatsoever. The intensity was severe but the intervals went from 5 minutes to 12 to 8 to 25, etc. When it came to the traditional signs of pre labor (aka false labor) and labor, I matched neither description. Perplexed, we called the midwives at 7:15am Sunday and asked them what they thought I should do. They said I could go in and they could check me or I could hold out and see if anything changes. Of course I chose the latter. *Side note: this is the one thing I would have changed about my labor story. I should have gone* How mortifying would it be if I made them go all the way into the office to check me and I was still in the pre labor stage and just being paranoid? My pride wouldn't go for that so we stayed at home and said we'd call when my contractions become consistent. In hind sight I realize that I had been in labor for 8 hours and had no idea. The whole of Sunday went by with the same patterns; some contractions extremely intense and others slightly more bearable, all of them having no consistency whatsoever. by 11pm Sunday (24 hours into labor) I called the midwives again and they suggested I go in to get checked.

One hour later  (12am Monday morning) the midwives told me  great news. Not only was Baby PERFECTLY health and happy with the strongest little heartbeat ever but I was NOT in pre labor/false labor like I thought I had been but that I had actually been in full blown labor for the past 25 hours and was 5cm dialated and 90% effaced. However, the reason my laboring was so sporadic and followed the nontraditional patterns of labor was because my baby was facing anteriorly (So he was still head down in my pelvis but instead of him facing my spine he was facing my stomach). They informed me that my body was ready to push him out but was waiting for him to be positioned properly, hence the inconsistencies with my labor pattern. They gave me 2 options: 1) break my water now and get this labor show on the road or 2) take some tylenol PM get some sleep but sleep in a very specific position that will help move the baby to face posteriorly. They said after getting 4 hours of sleep with the aid of the tylenol, I should wake up in full blown labor and ready to have this baby. I had already made up my mind to picked option number 2 but asked them what they suggested. They suggested option number 2 for two very good reason, the first being that in 2 days I had gotten a total of 4-5 hours of sleep and the second being that I would need rest to push this baby out. Being in full blown labor for 24 hours definitely has it's toll on your body. So we took the tylenol and headed back home.

3:30am (2 hours later) I woke up with intense and consistent contractions. Tristin ran a hot bath for me and for the next 1.5 hours we tracked my contractions. Finally they were consistent: about 1-2mins in duration and 3 minutes apart. I was in serious labor. We called the midwives and met them at the office at 5am.  At this point in the game I had been in full blown labor (inconsistent and consistent) for 29 hours. I figured that another few hours I would be birthing my son in the water (I had planned on having a water birth) and couldn't wait! The moment I had been waiting for for 9 months was just around the corner. I was thrilled and excited and kept telling Tristin and our moms and my sister-in-law Brittany (all the people I had invited to witness the birth of our son) that I can totally do this and I am SO ready to do this! I was smiling and joking and really breathing through all my contractions really well. I was so used to the pain at this stage in the game that I felt like I could face ANYTHING! Bring on the pushing! Lets get this little guy here!

after about 4 hours of more laboring and intense contractions (the time being around 9 or 10am Monday morning) I was 8cm dilated. All we had to do now was wait for my water to break! They told me to walk around and squat to help with the intensity of the contractions which sounds reasonable and very doable. But I was faced with a very very big problem: In 3 days I had slept 6 hours and due to the intensity of labor, I had eaten very very little. No matter how much food people brought me and encouraged me to eat, I could not eat. my appetite had completely disappeared. So here I am, exhausted, starving, laboring for 34 hours and I had absolutely nothing left. Nothing. Instead of breathing into my contractions, I resisted them. Instead of relaxing, I tensed. Instead of humming and meditating, I started crying. Mentally, I had slipped and lost my "happy place". I was now in full blown distress. Everyone encouraged me to eat and squat and walk but I fought it all."I can't! I'm SO tired! I can't get out of this birthing tub!" I would tell them. Tristin begged me to drink fluids which I reluctantly did: drinking meant I had to use energy to swallow. I had no energy. I was defeated.

By 11am I had the midwives check me again. I was still 8 cm dilated. We were just waiting for my water to break so I could get to 10cm and start pushing but I needed that one last strong contraction to break my water sack. I tried and tried but eventually I told the midwives to come in and break my water. I couldn't do it. I knew the risk factors when it came to breaking ones water. However, I was comforted by the fact that I was so far in the game that the risks were very minimal now. They came, broke my water and then assisted me on the birthing stool and helped me push. The only problem was that I had no energy to push and the pushing I was doing was just not cutting it. They used all the tricks in their books: from pushing on my perineum  (to increase my pushing reflex) to manually moving my cervix over to make pushing easier, they did it all. The bottom line was that I just wasn't pushing hard enough because I was exhausted, undernourished and dehydrated. I was running on empty.

They offered an IV but I refused (I'm deathly afraid of needles) so then they offered me oxygen to which I happily accepted. I knew extra oxygen intake didn't take any energy so I was happy with that suggestion.

45 minutes of pushing and my little boy had moved very little down my pelvis. I couldn't push hard enough due to the circumstances so now it was time to use another trick. The midwives relocated me to the bed, had me lay on my side with my legs apart and then had me hold a towel on one end while one of them held the towel on the other, then they would have me pull myself up to a sitting position and push as hard as I could while doing so. The trick to this was to use my abs and diaphragm to push baby out while my pelvic floor was perfectly relaxed during the pushing. Miraculously this worked. I finally felt progress and movement. 30 minutes later I heard signs of relief and crying as my family witness my little boys head being birthed. There was a light at the end of the tunnel finally. My boy would soon be in my arms. "Reach down and touch his head, Juanique! He's right there! Can you feel him?" I could! I could feel his little head! He was finally coming! He was finally going to be in my arms!

If you were to ask me what labor and birthing felt like I would describe it like this:
Pretend you are standing in the middle of the road and there is a car that is coming at you at about 25-30 miles per hour. You can see it's coming but there's nothing you can do but just accept the fact that it's going to hit you, so you let it and you hurt and you get up and you wait for the next car to come and hit you. Now add hypnobirthing to the natural labor experience: you see a car coming at you and you tell yourself, "Wow, this weather is so beautiful. and what a beautiful country road I am standing on with the snow capped mountains in the background. I can hear the wind blowing the leaves around me and feel the sun shining on my face and I know that when this car hits me all I need to do is remember the warm sun shining, the pretty mountains in the background the wind blowing and remember that when this car comes, the sun will still be shining and the mountains will still be standing there and the wind will still be blowing. All will be alright".  After the last 3-4 hours of giving up, tears (from myself and my family that were there witnessing the birth), exhaustion, complete surrender and loss of all hope, I reached down and felt my little boys head and  finally remembered again that the sun was still shining, the snow capped mountains still had snow, the wind was still blowing and all was right in the world. Everything was perfect again. I had found my happy place.

Tennyson Errick Roney was born February 17th at 1:25pm weighing 7lbs 14oz and 22 inches long. He was above and beyond perfection and is still the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on. He came out completely pink with very little vernix on him and the most beautiful little cry I had ever heard. After overcoming the shock of having my son finally in my arms after 38.5 hours of labor, I cried, announced his name and then asked, "now what do I do?" and "I seriously need to eat something".

There are many reasons why I chose to do a natural labor and delivery. Maybe someday I will post those reasons but I know without doubt that I brought my son into this world peacefully and without any chemical/medical intervention. Everything happened for him and in his timeline, not mine. To rush HIS birthing process would be selfish because as hard as I was working to get him here, I knew he was working hard too. Through my last stages of labor the midwives would monitor Tennyson's stress levels and every time they'd report back that he was perfect. Strong heart beat, no fetal distress, nothing. I would have endured another 10 hours of labor if it meant that he would be unharmed and stress free. I understand that there is need for medical intervention but I know that if I had a doctor throughout this birthing process, he would have wanted to speed up my labor or he'd have done a c-section because of the complications of Tennyson's positioning in the beginning and the stressful state that my body was in in the last 5 hours of labor. In fact, I have never come across any labor story where a doctor waited 38 hours for anyone to deliver a baby. 8 hours is considered a long time in the hospital setting.

My team of midwives were AMAZING! I have never felt more safe and confident with a team of medical experts in my life! They were with me every step of the way and made me feel like I was the most important and special laboring woman in the world. To thank them for what they did for me wouldn't be enough. They were my angels. I look at the picture my mother took of them and I get emotional. I have so much love for these 4 ladies! I wouldn't have wanted any one else to have been there at my birth than them! I was SO blessed! My experience at Better Birth was everything I thought it should have been. They informed me of all my options and in the end *I* decided what we were all to do. No one ever bossed me around or made me feel like I wasn't the one in charge of my body. They respected me and they respected the birthing process. Their honesty and openness in all the decisions I made was absolutely phenomenal. And throughout the entire labor process they reassured me that my son was perfectly healthy and under no stress and that everything was going exactly the way it was suppose to and that I had nothing to fear (even when I started asking, "Do we need to cut him out now?").



However, the man of the hour/weekend was my husband! Tristin was with me every step of the way. He held me up when I couldn't stand, helped me push when I couldn't push (He literally helped me push! I was  sitting on the birthing stool with my back laying against his chest. When it came time to push he'd push my torso forward so I wouldn't have to use that energy to lift myself up), and told me how strong I was when I felt I had given up. He was *IT* for me: he was everything I thought I had given up on during those last few hours. What beautiful memories I have of he and I together laboring and sharing one last amazing memory as husband and wife before we transitioned to mom and dad. Of all the life altering moments and intensely amazing experiences I've had in my life, this one is my favorite! Yes, it's even more amazing and more special than the day we got married.  I am so happy that Tristin and I shared these last beautiful and vulnerable moments together as just he and I.

Lastly, I want to say that natural labor is NOT easy. It's definitely painful! If you're not all in, you'll find a way out of it. But I learned something about myself during those 38.5 hours of laboring. I've shared this before (via Facebook and Instagram) but I feel the need to share it again.  I learned that there is absolutely NOTHING I wouldn't do for the two men of my life. I've also learned that love is completely limitless. If you love someone or something enough, there's nothing you wouldn't endure to make sure it is safe. And lastly I've learned that I have a son who is so perfect and beautiful that it literally makes me cry from happiness.

Would I do it again? Abso-freaking-lutely!

What a lucky girl I am!

Merry December!

32 weeks down, 8 more to go! Due date is coming up really quickly, and yet some days it can't be quick enough. There are two words to briefly describe my pregnancy experiences these days: Big and tired! Yes, even though many say I look small, I feel HUGE, I wake up feeling huge and if I didn't have to work I'd probably sit on a couch all day and turn into on of the couch pillows. But I really can't complain. Everything has just been so easy breezy for me. No, I can't run, no I can't climb stair comfortably at all and yes, I waddle, but if that's all I have to complain about then I'll take it!

I'll have to write up an update on how pregnancy has been the past couple of months (symptoms, feelings, etc) as well as how the holiday season has been (Birthday celebrations, etc) but for now all I have time for is posting a few pictures that we took last week. Tristin's cousin is really into photography and so we asked if he'd want to practice on us. So far we are very pleased with what he did (and he's not even 16 years old yet).

Here they are! Merry Christmas Peeps!

Babymoon

This year's been a tough year for vacationing. Tristin's been very busy with school and I've been busy with work and baby making. Even during spring Tristin was enrolled in classes and then busy with research conferences and research projects most of the summer. That was fine with me because I was pretty much useless all summer anyway. No appetite, no energy, no will to do anything really. I was thrilled to see this summer end-- the heat, coupled with exhaustion and nausea was just killing me. Goodbye summer! Hello Fall

Tristin and I decided that even with the baby on the way, refinancing on our home and paying for medical bills we had to budget in one more vacation together: just he and I. Of course we chose to go to Disneyland. That's kind of a no brainer for us! But even more importantly was WHEN would we go to Disneyland! Tristin LOVES Nightmare Before Christmas so we were off to Disney for the Halloween Time Theme of Nightmare!

Our trip started off with a layover in Vegas. We spent an hour fighting traffic to get to the best buffet in Vegas to realize that the wait to be served was over an hour. In pregnancy time, an hour is like 100 years. There was NO WAY I was waiting that long to eat! I had already driven around for an hour getting to the place. So we ended up eating at Whole Foods. Anticlimactic, I know, but it was the closest place and I was starving!

Over at the hotel where the buffet was. I don't even remember the buffet's name other than it was suppose to be the best in Vegas.

Conclusion about Vegas: Hate the place. It really sucks. Too much smoke, too many yucky billaboards, too much traffic. It's just blah and overrated! I'll take the beautiful Provo mountains over the Strip any day, thanks!

Next stop was Califiornia! We arrived late at night and crashed with the anticipation of getting to Disney early the next day!

Day 1 Disney:
Breakfast at 7:30am, Disney Theme Park at 8:30am! We couldn't have planned it better ourselves if we tried! We were literally just walking onto rides and often riding by ourselves! The longest we waited in a line that morning was probably about 20 minutes! Easy, peasy! Tristin did point out that one of the reasons that was the case was because we weren't going on all the "big kid" rides (pregnant lady and all). Although that was probably the case, the wait for those rides that morning must have been really short! By the time noon came along we were waiting for some of the more popular rides for maybe 30 minutes or so! Good times were rolling!

WE MADE IT!!

Nightmare before Christmas/ Haunted Mansion was the first  ride we went on!

I wish I had that carriage in my yard for Halloween

Not only the sweetest place on earth but the hot chocolate was so sweet I thought I'd get cavities just smelling the darn thing. 

...didn't stop me from drinking it though :)

Pretty sure Tristin practices all his faces for these ride's snapshots. I laugh every time I look at it!

Bad angle but you get the just of it, right?

We had lunch over in the Bayou area. Tristin had the famous Monte Cristo (a billion callories per bite) and I had the healthy chicken salad (baby needs his greens, ya know). Of course I stole a few bites of that Cristo. There was no way we were going all the way to Cali and I just ignore the Cristo. I'm not that crazy!

Nearing towards the end of the day. This kiddie rid was actually one of my favorites! It felt SO GOOD to have my legs swing and dangle for the time period of the ride

By 4:30pm my achy breaky pregnant body had had it! My hips and belly were just killing me! I'm sure I had walked my baby into a million naps. Not only was he tired, but so was I. we got back to the hotel to watch the BYU football game... but I kept falling asleep during it. The only thing that would wake me up was my fear that I had walked my baby into a coma. He was out like a light! No movement for a good few hours! After shaking my belly and realizing there was still life in there, I was able to sleep myself into a deep coma that night.

Day 2 we started in California Adventure and went on some of our favorite rides: Midtown Express, Soarin', A bugs life. I Tried to talk Tristin into going on Tower of Terror without me but he refused and said it wouldn't be fun by himself. He was perfectly fine tolerating all the little kiddy rides with me which I thought was very sweet of him. After spending the morning in California Adventure, we hopped back over to Disneyland to re-ride some of our favorite rides and finish up on rides we hadn't yet visited. Buzz Lightyear was a must (I kicked Tristin's butt both times) as was Pirates of the Caribbean. We tried to go on Haunted Mansion one last time but the line was over an hour. By that afternoon my hips had given in and an hour of standing felt like it could have killed me. We went home a little earlier that day, napped on and off that late afternoon with the intention of going back for the parade and fireworks but I found that I just couldn't keep myself awake long enough to endure the trek back. So instead we watched movies that night and slept like rocks.

As usual, A Small World was closed AGAIN! But an obligatory picture near it was needed.

Kicking but on Buzz Lightyear Blasters

And last but not least, getting a very amatuer picture with the Cheshire cat in the backround. Alice in Wonderland always freaked me out as a kid but T LOVED it so the cat picture was a must

Disney was incredible! Everything we wanted. For the last time we were able to experience life as two old kids enjoying their childhood dreams together. It took about 10 days for my hips to recuperate from all the walking but it was definitely worth it!  Next time we hit up Disneyland, it'll be as parents vicariously living the thrill of Disneyland through their son's first experience of the magic and wonderment!

With that being said, we can't wait for you to be here, my sweet boy! Fun adventures await us as a family! See you in February!

27 weeks pregnant! Here we go 3rd trimester!

Oh Boy! Oh Boy!

IM HAVING A SON!! My little girl is actually a little boy and I couldn't be more thrilled about this!

Ever since I was a teenager (17 to be exact) I had said that I wanted boys: 2 boys and a girl to be exact. When we first found out we were having a girl I was thrilled about dressing her up and teaching her how to be a strong and independent woman. I anticipated emotional breakdowns and drama (just like every little girl goes through) and knew that this would be a new adventure for me (I grew up with brothers so girls are a little foreign to me) but then when the utrasound tech told me "So you're having a boy" I about died from shock. The rest of the utrasound went by in a blurr as I forced myself to rewrite my future with a son.

20 weeks, Baby! (taken Sept 24th)  I'm finally over half way!

A Son. I was growing my son. My own mini Tristin, who would also have bits and pieces of me but was sure to have his dads good nature, was growing inside of me!

Look how beautiful my little man is! And I'll be the first one to tell you how much I didn't get the big deal about these ultrasounds. "They're really weird black and white pictures of what resembles a baby," Id' think. NOW I get it!
Oh how I love him already! And even as I sit typing this he's kicking inside of me! Saturday morning I woke up at 4am for my early morning latrine visit. While doing so I had woken up Sylar and Baby Boy Roney. When I got back into bed not only did I receive morning kicks from my little man but Silly Boy Sylar came to cuddle up next to me and my kicking belly. So there I lay, 4:30am with Tristin quietly sleeping next to me, a baby kicking me and a cat's sacrum stuck up in my ribs and thought to myself "I LOVE my three boys! I just love them!".

What a lucky woman I am. I can't wait to give my little man endless hugs and kisses and squeeze him until he becomes a part of my skin (JK-that would be child abuse).

I love this little face of his! I cant wait to see it!

Yep, that is DEFINITELY a boy!

Yummy arms for me to squeeze and kiss all over!

and don't forget those cute legs and feet!! I can't wait for him to be here in my arms!

My Midwives Crisis: Part 2

Side note: Another long post. Sorry. All my pregnancy apps keep telling me to document my pregnancy...so I am via blog.

One of the hardest things I get asked (almost on a daily basis) is, "How are you feeling?" I know we've all heard of those women who just LOVE being pregnant because they feel like they are on top of the world. Well I'm not one of these women. However, I can't complain because I've only thrown up once (I took too many supplements at one time) and I haven't been hospitalized so that's got to count for something, right?

However, this HAS been my experience:

Before I found out I was pregnant I kept wondering why it was that I was taking so many naps. We'd go on a hike and shortly afterwards I'd take a nap. I'd clean the house and weed the yard and then take a nap. I'd be working on a client and fantasize about sleeping. In all honesty I thought I was getting depressed. Why else would I want to be left alone to sleep all the time?

Oh yeah, that's why....

Shortly after 6 weeks I started to feel the "morning sickness" which I soon learned has no time restrictions to just mornings. I had evening sickness when I'd eat and then wished I never ate but if I didn't eat then I'd feel more sick. Yeah, there was no winning with this. Sadly enough, I didn't crave many weird things at all. What I constantly wracked my brain for was new food tastes and flavors because the recent memories of food I'd eaten, in my mind, seemed just torturous to want to eat again.  Sometimes I just wouldn't eat which I soon learned was a really bad idea.

At 10 weeks I was down by 8 lbs and it didn't feel good. Not only was pregnancy fatigue in full force (sometimes it would take me 2 hours to get out of bed, shower and get dressed because I'd have to take breaks in between) but I had lost a lot of muscle weight which then lead to headaches and migraines (decreased muscle = muscle tension and straining =headaches and migraines). Add into the mix that the idea of eating meat seemed worse than death and you have a bit of a weight gaining problem on your hands.

Week 14 rolled by and the nausea slowly started to go away. My cravings for nothing turned to cravings for fruits and veggies and chocolate (yay chocolate). The only problem with that was that I still wasn't gaining enough weight and my inconsistent eating schedule (due to working and running around town) didn't help matters at all. So baby got bigger and momma got smaller.

One morning I woke up and like a sledgehammer the solution hit me.

"Tristin, I need to move my work to our home"
"What? Why?"
"I'm not sure but I just need to do it"

It was probably the best decision I made. Shortly after that decision I realized that I was starting to get really bad adrenal fatigue (too much stress can cause this). Although I didn't feel stressed, losing all the weight plus growing a human being can be fairly stressful on ones body. Add in the daily migraines and headaches and I wasn't the peachiest person on the planet. I also wasn't the worst. Through all of this I still had that "goofy-happiness" thing going on that made no sense. Apparently it's called hormones :) However, I noticed that I was starting to get really short and impatient with people from time to time because I was either really hungry or really tired most of the day. So I packed up my office and moved it to my house where I was just a few feet from my kitchen and my bed.

Yes, you can think it. I'm pretty spoiled BUT I don't think you can be too gentle with yourself when it comes to growing little people. I've felt a lot better since that decision and I think baby appreciates a happier, healthier mom who is now eating on a consistent basis.

So no more migraines and headaches, I'm slooooowly putting on some weight again, I'm able to stress less and sleep more and to top it all off, Baby Roney started to kick last week Monday (at 18 weeks). How about that?

So I'm completely amazed that there are women out there who feel absolutely on top of the world when pregnant. I can't say I feel terrible because I really don't. I feel  ok most of the time but pregnancy is like a whole different ball game all together. You have to come to the conclusion that your body is no longer your body. You now have to share it for 2 years (breastfeeding, etc). To me, feeling on top of the world was running 6-10 miles on the weekend and eating a really big self-congratulatory breakfast afterwards. These days, going for a 45 minute walk and being out of breath is really hilarious to me. And being able to only eat half an apple because that's all I've got space for is just laughable.

However, in no way, shape or form is any of this bad! The fact that I'm growing my child is enough to get me excited for the day. The fact that I wake up in the morning and my little girl is "stuck" on the left side of my uterus and therefore creates a strange and uncomfortable feeling when I get out of bed is fascinating and fun to me. The fact that I have to wake up almost every night to go empty my bladder because it's being squished by a little person is funny to me. The fact that I have to push Sylar off my stomach at night because he wants to cuddle on the part of my body that is the warmest is completely adorable.  The fact that I feel flutters and jabs when I'm laying down isn't more wonderful than any run I've ever done but it's different. It's a different kind of wonderful. All of this is strange and weird and amazing and confusing and cool! It's just really cool. It means that everything is working. Everything is going according to plan and Little Girl Roney is getting bigger and bigger. It means that with every uncomfortable day that goes by, I'm one day closer to meeting her and she's one day closer to being ready to meet me.

I once saw this shirt that read, "I grow people. What's your super power?" and I think about that shirt almost every day. Anyone can run a race really well. Anyone can ace an exam. Not everyone can have children. I never thought I'd be able to grow a child and here I am, experiencing it first hand. And I'm not just growing any child, I'm growing MY child! My child that has half my DNA and half of Tristin's. I'm not only making myself a mom but I'm making Tristin a dad! I don't think anyone really knows just how well of a dad he's going to be. He's going to be amazing at it and I'm the one who is making that possible. to me, that is just wild! It trumps any abdominal cramp or uncomfortable nights rest any day. It's way more rewarding than getting a PR on 10 miles.

So heck no, I don't feel like a queen, I don't feel on top of the world (physically), I don't feel like a million dollars, but man, oh man, I think and feel as though I'm the luckiest person in the world....I feel like a really proud and happy mom who, when is asked "How are you feeling?" replies with, "Not so hot! This pregnancy thing is HARD!!"

However, ask "what are you thinking about all this?" and trust me, you'll get a very different answer :)

My Midwives Crisis: Part one

People tell you A LOT of things about pregnancy. And I don't mind it at all (because lets be honest, I have NO idea what's coming next), every pregnancy is different. But there was one thing no one had ever told  me about yet it was the one thing that changed me completely.

 The past 11 weeks have been a wild and crazy adventure that I figured I should somehow document a little so I can look back on this time and be proud that I survived. It's also a story I want to share with my little girl someday so she can see the miracle she really is.

*Warning: Potentially long post. I have a lot I want to say dealing with a lot of bodily stuff and health issues.

I have severe endometreosis. You know the kind that makes you vomit and then pass out because of the pain...well I have THAT kind of endometreosis. In the past it hadn't bugged me too much because I just took Advil throughout the day (hoping I'd take it in time before a painful fit overtook me) and all would be swell (temporarily). Strangely enough my endometreosis got so bad (can't ignore a growling bear for too long I guess) that every time I would run I'd get a "fit" of pseudo-endometreal pain. By then I knew something was wrong.

So I did my research and narrowed down my healing plan to supplementation, herbs and clean eating. These changes helped but the fits of pain still randomly hit me from time to time versus every time I ran. Progress was still progress so I said "Sure, I'll take it," and hoped it continued to get better.

Back story: Tristin and I have been married for over 6 and a half years. As far as birth control goes, I track my cycles VERY closely but also know that endometreosis lowers your chances of falling pregnant SIGNIFICANTLY. I know the day my cycle starts, when I ovulate and when I finish ovulating (yes, I'm OCD about tracking my hormonal cycles. 1) for pregnancy purposes AKA prevention and 2) because a shift in menstration signifies chemical imbalances. I like to stay on top of my chemistry in my body. Yes--I know, I'm a health FREAK).

So when I found out on June 15th that I was pregnant, I about died! There was NO way on this planet that it was possible. NO WAY. Here's why: Little Roney would have been conceived May 27th, the day we ran the BolderBoulder  (remember how I track everything?), the day that was 5 days POST my last day of ovulation. Impossible, right? Throw in endometreosis and your logical conclusion is "Yea-she shouldn't be pregnant".

Bolder Boulder 10K race, Colorado. The day Little Roney was conceived.

On June 15th Mother Nature threw me a surprise when I looked at my positive pregnancy test and froze. Originally I wanted to fix my body so I could run...instead I got pregnant. Yes, I cried angry-ugly tears, I screamed from pure terror, I may have sworn (I don't remember) but when I kept telling Tristin "this is too early. It can't happen now," his response was, "lets be honest with ourselves--if it didn't happen by accident it probably would have never happened".

Truer words have never been spoken. I have always be terrified of being a mom. Staring at that pregnancy test was like looking death in the face and seeing my life flash before my eyes. I was stunned and scared and very very insecure in that moment. of course fear was eventually replaced with excitement and elation but the underlying apprehension loomed somewhere in the back of my mind. Fathers Day was when we broke the news to our families. We put a baby binky in a gift back and gave it to them hoping they'd figure it out. Below is the reaction of my parents. Although we were trying to be discrete while filming them you can still hear their excitement.

When Rick (Tristin's dad) opened his "gift bag" everyone's first reactions were "Who's child's binky is this? I think Eloise put her binky in here". It took a few seconds before Tristin's sister turned to us and asked "Wait--are you....pregnant?"

We shared our news with everyone that day and felt the excitement and anticipation any future parent would feel. However, there was still that undertone of "what about my schooling, my work, my life, my plans, my body?". I don't know if others go through this quiet mourning process but as I slowly made the plans to accommodate my future as a mom and said goodbye to some of my goals and dreams I had set in motion, I felt a sorrow I'd never experienced; like saying goodbye to Juanique who did whatever she wanted when she wanted and saying hello to a Juanique who would learn to plan and coordinate a life with a child in it. No longer was I to be the child in my life. From that day onward I was to be a (future) mom. Mom- Me, Juanique Cecilia Salvesen Roney-- a mom!

Everyone tells you about how pregnancy feels: the sickness, the lack of appetite, the fatigue, the mood swings, OH the mood swings....but there's one thing people don't tell you, and maybe it's because it's hard to describe but I'll try my hardest.

There's something I think Heaven implants in women which I've come to call the "Maternity switch". After about 2 weeks of my "goodbyes" to my life I thought I was going to have, it was like one day I woke up a completely different person. I woke up as Juanique-The excited mother to be. Juanique--The business girl/student/PhD goaled girl had left the stage and the New Juanique that would hold the title of "mom" was up front and center and proud of it. "Mom". I was going to be called "mom" and there is no other title I've ever been more excited for in my life.

Everyone tells you about how pregnancy feels, but no one tells you about the connection you feel to your future child and how you would give up just about anything for them. Maybe I have been told this in the past but *feeling* it is something you can't really describe. And it's not like it's a gradual process either. All of a sudden you wake up and it's there. That Maternal Switch, that primal instinct growling from deep within waiting to break free and saying, "FINALLY!".

So yes, I'm finally here and there's no where else I'd rather be. Even through the fog of first trimester dilemmas and fatigue and health issues I have had a constant goofy-happiness about me. Yes, she did this to me, Little Roney did and I couldn't be any happier about it.

Yes-Us weirdos are going to be parents (15 weeks pregnant)

 Moral of this story: Herbs are powerful things.

Happy 2013??

"The Winter from Hell" is an understatement when describing the past 2 months. No seriously, grey is all we've experienced in 2013. Actually, I'm lying. There WERE those 5 days this year that showed signs of a big ball of gas floating somewhere out there in the universe....I think people call it "the Sun". I've forgotten this thing called "sun"....and "happiness"...

Wow, this tirade is getting weird.

You probably want news! Well here's some mind blowing news to remember this year by so far. Brace yourself for strange things:

1) Worst Utah winter since the 80's

2) Living in the worse air quality in the whole of America!

3) My dads business burning down. No, I'm not joking here, this did happen

4)I totaled my car...as in, I got in a car accident...and destroyed my car. Apparently it wasn't worth much anyway. I also got whiplash. That was fun...

They say bad things come in threes...Well "They" were wrong!!

Yay 2013! Now for some pictures because no one really likes to read posts, they just like to look at the pictures.  

(Note to self: Do NOT drink caffeine before bed and then blog)

My dad turned 70 Jan 3rd. All his kids were in the country to celebrate it with him as well as his sister, Aunt Joy. Happy  surprise party, Dad! You're the best man I've ever know! T being a VERY close runner up, that is.

Skiing fun: Deer Valley

He's Hot...

...and just down right sexy sometimes! (We need to facetime more often, Babe)

The day of shame...

My ride just got pimped, yo. Seriously, I bought the exact same car, just a newer model by two years and 20,000 less miles on it.  I don't like change...can you tell?

Conryd and Aly are moving to Florida this month and are taking this handsome man with him!  I guess I'm just gunna have to grow my own one some day so that no one can take him away from me. 

Went to a Natural Products Expo this past weekend with my mother and sister in law, Janene. It was in Anaheim, California.  I got to run on the beach. It was beyond amazing! Why am I not living by a beach again??

Health Expos are magical! I just love my new hot bod so much that I decided to rip my shirt off and show the world just how sexy I've become (and apparently just how immodest I've become, too. Shame on me)

Even the Madre got in on the sexy action!

We also happened to run into a basketball allstar, James Worthy! He seemed to have to hots for my mom. I don't blame they guy, really...

What's our next adventure? For both of us? Running. We plan on running a few races this year again.  For me, Nursing school. Yes, I am now running my business AND taking classes again at UVU. In 4 years time I'll have completed the Nursing program and will be applying for the PhD Nurse Practitioners program over at the U of U. T and I tend to love our schooling....and our cat, Sylar...and each other. That's pretty much our universe right now but not necessarily in that order.

Good night...(well, good morning. It's 12:15am)