Oh Boy! Oh Boy!

IM HAVING A SON!! My little girl is actually a little boy and I couldn't be more thrilled about this!

Ever since I was a teenager (17 to be exact) I had said that I wanted boys: 2 boys and a girl to be exact. When we first found out we were having a girl I was thrilled about dressing her up and teaching her how to be a strong and independent woman. I anticipated emotional breakdowns and drama (just like every little girl goes through) and knew that this would be a new adventure for me (I grew up with brothers so girls are a little foreign to me) but then when the utrasound tech told me "So you're having a boy" I about died from shock. The rest of the utrasound went by in a blurr as I forced myself to rewrite my future with a son.

20 weeks, Baby! (taken Sept 24th)  I'm finally over half way!

A Son. I was growing my son. My own mini Tristin, who would also have bits and pieces of me but was sure to have his dads good nature, was growing inside of me!

Look how beautiful my little man is! And I'll be the first one to tell you how much I didn't get the big deal about these ultrasounds. "They're really weird black and white pictures of what resembles a baby," Id' think. NOW I get it!
Oh how I love him already! And even as I sit typing this he's kicking inside of me! Saturday morning I woke up at 4am for my early morning latrine visit. While doing so I had woken up Sylar and Baby Boy Roney. When I got back into bed not only did I receive morning kicks from my little man but Silly Boy Sylar came to cuddle up next to me and my kicking belly. So there I lay, 4:30am with Tristin quietly sleeping next to me, a baby kicking me and a cat's sacrum stuck up in my ribs and thought to myself "I LOVE my three boys! I just love them!".

What a lucky woman I am. I can't wait to give my little man endless hugs and kisses and squeeze him until he becomes a part of my skin (JK-that would be child abuse).

I love this little face of his! I cant wait to see it!

Yep, that is DEFINITELY a boy!

Yummy arms for me to squeeze and kiss all over!

and don't forget those cute legs and feet!! I can't wait for him to be here in my arms!

My Midwives Crisis: Part 2

Side note: Another long post. Sorry. All my pregnancy apps keep telling me to document my pregnancy...so I am via blog.

One of the hardest things I get asked (almost on a daily basis) is, "How are you feeling?" I know we've all heard of those women who just LOVE being pregnant because they feel like they are on top of the world. Well I'm not one of these women. However, I can't complain because I've only thrown up once (I took too many supplements at one time) and I haven't been hospitalized so that's got to count for something, right?

However, this HAS been my experience:

Before I found out I was pregnant I kept wondering why it was that I was taking so many naps. We'd go on a hike and shortly afterwards I'd take a nap. I'd clean the house and weed the yard and then take a nap. I'd be working on a client and fantasize about sleeping. In all honesty I thought I was getting depressed. Why else would I want to be left alone to sleep all the time?

Oh yeah, that's why....

Shortly after 6 weeks I started to feel the "morning sickness" which I soon learned has no time restrictions to just mornings. I had evening sickness when I'd eat and then wished I never ate but if I didn't eat then I'd feel more sick. Yeah, there was no winning with this. Sadly enough, I didn't crave many weird things at all. What I constantly wracked my brain for was new food tastes and flavors because the recent memories of food I'd eaten, in my mind, seemed just torturous to want to eat again.  Sometimes I just wouldn't eat which I soon learned was a really bad idea.

At 10 weeks I was down by 8 lbs and it didn't feel good. Not only was pregnancy fatigue in full force (sometimes it would take me 2 hours to get out of bed, shower and get dressed because I'd have to take breaks in between) but I had lost a lot of muscle weight which then lead to headaches and migraines (decreased muscle = muscle tension and straining =headaches and migraines). Add into the mix that the idea of eating meat seemed worse than death and you have a bit of a weight gaining problem on your hands.

Week 14 rolled by and the nausea slowly started to go away. My cravings for nothing turned to cravings for fruits and veggies and chocolate (yay chocolate). The only problem with that was that I still wasn't gaining enough weight and my inconsistent eating schedule (due to working and running around town) didn't help matters at all. So baby got bigger and momma got smaller.

One morning I woke up and like a sledgehammer the solution hit me.

"Tristin, I need to move my work to our home"
"What? Why?"
"I'm not sure but I just need to do it"

It was probably the best decision I made. Shortly after that decision I realized that I was starting to get really bad adrenal fatigue (too much stress can cause this). Although I didn't feel stressed, losing all the weight plus growing a human being can be fairly stressful on ones body. Add in the daily migraines and headaches and I wasn't the peachiest person on the planet. I also wasn't the worst. Through all of this I still had that "goofy-happiness" thing going on that made no sense. Apparently it's called hormones :) However, I noticed that I was starting to get really short and impatient with people from time to time because I was either really hungry or really tired most of the day. So I packed up my office and moved it to my house where I was just a few feet from my kitchen and my bed.

Yes, you can think it. I'm pretty spoiled BUT I don't think you can be too gentle with yourself when it comes to growing little people. I've felt a lot better since that decision and I think baby appreciates a happier, healthier mom who is now eating on a consistent basis.

So no more migraines and headaches, I'm slooooowly putting on some weight again, I'm able to stress less and sleep more and to top it all off, Baby Roney started to kick last week Monday (at 18 weeks). How about that?

So I'm completely amazed that there are women out there who feel absolutely on top of the world when pregnant. I can't say I feel terrible because I really don't. I feel  ok most of the time but pregnancy is like a whole different ball game all together. You have to come to the conclusion that your body is no longer your body. You now have to share it for 2 years (breastfeeding, etc). To me, feeling on top of the world was running 6-10 miles on the weekend and eating a really big self-congratulatory breakfast afterwards. These days, going for a 45 minute walk and being out of breath is really hilarious to me. And being able to only eat half an apple because that's all I've got space for is just laughable.

However, in no way, shape or form is any of this bad! The fact that I'm growing my child is enough to get me excited for the day. The fact that I wake up in the morning and my little girl is "stuck" on the left side of my uterus and therefore creates a strange and uncomfortable feeling when I get out of bed is fascinating and fun to me. The fact that I have to wake up almost every night to go empty my bladder because it's being squished by a little person is funny to me. The fact that I have to push Sylar off my stomach at night because he wants to cuddle on the part of my body that is the warmest is completely adorable.  The fact that I feel flutters and jabs when I'm laying down isn't more wonderful than any run I've ever done but it's different. It's a different kind of wonderful. All of this is strange and weird and amazing and confusing and cool! It's just really cool. It means that everything is working. Everything is going according to plan and Little Girl Roney is getting bigger and bigger. It means that with every uncomfortable day that goes by, I'm one day closer to meeting her and she's one day closer to being ready to meet me.

I once saw this shirt that read, "I grow people. What's your super power?" and I think about that shirt almost every day. Anyone can run a race really well. Anyone can ace an exam. Not everyone can have children. I never thought I'd be able to grow a child and here I am, experiencing it first hand. And I'm not just growing any child, I'm growing MY child! My child that has half my DNA and half of Tristin's. I'm not only making myself a mom but I'm making Tristin a dad! I don't think anyone really knows just how well of a dad he's going to be. He's going to be amazing at it and I'm the one who is making that possible. to me, that is just wild! It trumps any abdominal cramp or uncomfortable nights rest any day. It's way more rewarding than getting a PR on 10 miles.

So heck no, I don't feel like a queen, I don't feel on top of the world (physically), I don't feel like a million dollars, but man, oh man, I think and feel as though I'm the luckiest person in the world....I feel like a really proud and happy mom who, when is asked "How are you feeling?" replies with, "Not so hot! This pregnancy thing is HARD!!"

However, ask "what are you thinking about all this?" and trust me, you'll get a very different answer :)

My Midwives Crisis: Part one

People tell you A LOT of things about pregnancy. And I don't mind it at all (because lets be honest, I have NO idea what's coming next), every pregnancy is different. But there was one thing no one had ever told  me about yet it was the one thing that changed me completely.

 The past 11 weeks have been a wild and crazy adventure that I figured I should somehow document a little so I can look back on this time and be proud that I survived. It's also a story I want to share with my little girl someday so she can see the miracle she really is.

*Warning: Potentially long post. I have a lot I want to say dealing with a lot of bodily stuff and health issues.

I have severe endometreosis. You know the kind that makes you vomit and then pass out because of the pain...well I have THAT kind of endometreosis. In the past it hadn't bugged me too much because I just took Advil throughout the day (hoping I'd take it in time before a painful fit overtook me) and all would be swell (temporarily). Strangely enough my endometreosis got so bad (can't ignore a growling bear for too long I guess) that every time I would run I'd get a "fit" of pseudo-endometreal pain. By then I knew something was wrong.

So I did my research and narrowed down my healing plan to supplementation, herbs and clean eating. These changes helped but the fits of pain still randomly hit me from time to time versus every time I ran. Progress was still progress so I said "Sure, I'll take it," and hoped it continued to get better.

Back story: Tristin and I have been married for over 6 and a half years. As far as birth control goes, I track my cycles VERY closely but also know that endometreosis lowers your chances of falling pregnant SIGNIFICANTLY. I know the day my cycle starts, when I ovulate and when I finish ovulating (yes, I'm OCD about tracking my hormonal cycles. 1) for pregnancy purposes AKA prevention and 2) because a shift in menstration signifies chemical imbalances. I like to stay on top of my chemistry in my body. Yes--I know, I'm a health FREAK).

So when I found out on June 15th that I was pregnant, I about died! There was NO way on this planet that it was possible. NO WAY. Here's why: Little Roney would have been conceived May 27th, the day we ran the BolderBoulder  (remember how I track everything?), the day that was 5 days POST my last day of ovulation. Impossible, right? Throw in endometreosis and your logical conclusion is "Yea-she shouldn't be pregnant".

Bolder Boulder 10K race, Colorado. The day Little Roney was conceived.

On June 15th Mother Nature threw me a surprise when I looked at my positive pregnancy test and froze. Originally I wanted to fix my body so I could run...instead I got pregnant. Yes, I cried angry-ugly tears, I screamed from pure terror, I may have sworn (I don't remember) but when I kept telling Tristin "this is too early. It can't happen now," his response was, "lets be honest with ourselves--if it didn't happen by accident it probably would have never happened".

Truer words have never been spoken. I have always be terrified of being a mom. Staring at that pregnancy test was like looking death in the face and seeing my life flash before my eyes. I was stunned and scared and very very insecure in that moment. of course fear was eventually replaced with excitement and elation but the underlying apprehension loomed somewhere in the back of my mind. Fathers Day was when we broke the news to our families. We put a baby binky in a gift back and gave it to them hoping they'd figure it out. Below is the reaction of my parents. Although we were trying to be discrete while filming them you can still hear their excitement.

When Rick (Tristin's dad) opened his "gift bag" everyone's first reactions were "Who's child's binky is this? I think Eloise put her binky in here". It took a few seconds before Tristin's sister turned to us and asked "Wait--are you....pregnant?"

We shared our news with everyone that day and felt the excitement and anticipation any future parent would feel. However, there was still that undertone of "what about my schooling, my work, my life, my plans, my body?". I don't know if others go through this quiet mourning process but as I slowly made the plans to accommodate my future as a mom and said goodbye to some of my goals and dreams I had set in motion, I felt a sorrow I'd never experienced; like saying goodbye to Juanique who did whatever she wanted when she wanted and saying hello to a Juanique who would learn to plan and coordinate a life with a child in it. No longer was I to be the child in my life. From that day onward I was to be a (future) mom. Mom- Me, Juanique Cecilia Salvesen Roney-- a mom!

Everyone tells you about how pregnancy feels: the sickness, the lack of appetite, the fatigue, the mood swings, OH the mood swings....but there's one thing people don't tell you, and maybe it's because it's hard to describe but I'll try my hardest.

There's something I think Heaven implants in women which I've come to call the "Maternity switch". After about 2 weeks of my "goodbyes" to my life I thought I was going to have, it was like one day I woke up a completely different person. I woke up as Juanique-The excited mother to be. Juanique--The business girl/student/PhD goaled girl had left the stage and the New Juanique that would hold the title of "mom" was up front and center and proud of it. "Mom". I was going to be called "mom" and there is no other title I've ever been more excited for in my life.

Everyone tells you about how pregnancy feels, but no one tells you about the connection you feel to your future child and how you would give up just about anything for them. Maybe I have been told this in the past but *feeling* it is something you can't really describe. And it's not like it's a gradual process either. All of a sudden you wake up and it's there. That Maternal Switch, that primal instinct growling from deep within waiting to break free and saying, "FINALLY!".

So yes, I'm finally here and there's no where else I'd rather be. Even through the fog of first trimester dilemmas and fatigue and health issues I have had a constant goofy-happiness about me. Yes, she did this to me, Little Roney did and I couldn't be any happier about it.

Yes-Us weirdos are going to be parents (15 weeks pregnant)

 Moral of this story: Herbs are powerful things.