Tuesday, September 24, 2013

My Midwives Crisis: Part 2

Side note: Another long post. Sorry. All my pregnancy apps keep telling me to document my pregnancy...so I am via blog.

One of the hardest things I get asked (almost on a daily basis) is, "How are you feeling?" I know we've all heard of those women who just LOVE being pregnant because they feel like they are on top of the world. Well I'm not one of these women. However, I can't complain because I've only thrown up once (I took too many supplements at one time) and I haven't been hospitalized so that's got to count for something, right?

However, this HAS been my experience:

Before I found out I was pregnant I kept wondering why it was that I was taking so many naps. We'd go on a hike and shortly afterwards I'd take a nap. I'd clean the house and weed the yard and then take a nap. I'd be working on a client and fantasize about sleeping. In all honesty I thought I was getting depressed. Why else would I want to be left alone to sleep all the time?

Oh yeah, that's why....

Shortly after 6 weeks I started to feel the "morning sickness" which I soon learned has no time restrictions to just mornings. I had evening sickness when I'd eat and then wished I never ate but if I didn't eat then I'd feel more sick. Yeah, there was no winning with this. Sadly enough, I didn't crave many weird things at all. What I constantly wracked my brain for was new food tastes and flavors because the recent memories of food I'd eaten, in my mind, seemed just torturous to want to eat again.  Sometimes I just wouldn't eat which I soon learned was a really bad idea.

At 10 weeks I was down by 8 lbs and it didn't feel good. Not only was pregnancy fatigue in full force (sometimes it would take me 2 hours to get out of bed, shower and get dressed because I'd have to take breaks in between) but I had lost a lot of muscle weight which then lead to headaches and migraines (decreased muscle = muscle tension and straining =headaches and migraines). Add into the mix that the idea of eating meat seemed worse than death and you have a bit of a weight gaining problem on your hands.

Week 14 rolled by and the nausea slowly started to go away. My cravings for nothing turned to cravings for fruits and veggies and chocolate (yay chocolate). The only problem with that was that I still wasn't gaining enough weight and my inconsistent eating schedule (due to working and running around town) didn't help matters at all. So baby got bigger and momma got smaller.

One morning I woke up and like a sledgehammer the solution hit me.

"Tristin, I need to move my work to our home"
"What? Why?"
"I'm not sure but I just need to do it"

It was probably the best decision I made. Shortly after that decision I realized that I was starting to get really bad adrenal fatigue (too much stress can cause this). Although I didn't feel stressed, losing all the weight plus growing a human being can be fairly stressful on ones body. Add in the daily migraines and headaches and I wasn't the peachiest person on the planet. I also wasn't the worst. Through all of this I still had that "goofy-happiness" thing going on that made no sense. Apparently it's called hormones :) However, I noticed that I was starting to get really short and impatient with people from time to time because I was either really hungry or really tired most of the day. So I packed up my office and moved it to my house where I was just a few feet from my kitchen and my bed.

Yes, you can think it. I'm pretty spoiled BUT I don't think you can be too gentle with yourself when it comes to growing little people. I've felt a lot better since that decision and I think baby appreciates a happier, healthier mom who is now eating on a consistent basis.

So no more migraines and headaches, I'm slooooowly putting on some weight again, I'm able to stress less and sleep more and to top it all off, Baby Roney started to kick last week Monday (at 18 weeks). How about that?

So I'm completely amazed that there are women out there who feel absolutely on top of the world when pregnant. I can't say I feel terrible because I really don't. I feel  ok most of the time but pregnancy is like a whole different ball game all together. You have to come to the conclusion that your body is no longer your body. You now have to share it for 2 years (breastfeeding, etc). To me, feeling on top of the world was running 6-10 miles on the weekend and eating a really big self-congratulatory breakfast afterwards. These days, going for a 45 minute walk and being out of breath is really hilarious to me. And being able to only eat half an apple because that's all I've got space for is just laughable.

However, in no way, shape or form is any of this bad! The fact that I'm growing my child is enough to get me excited for the day. The fact that I wake up in the morning and my little girl is "stuck" on the left side of my uterus and therefore creates a strange and uncomfortable feeling when I get out of bed is fascinating and fun to me. The fact that I have to wake up almost every night to go empty my bladder because it's being squished by a little person is funny to me. The fact that I have to push Sylar off my stomach at night because he wants to cuddle on the part of my body that is the warmest is completely adorable.  The fact that I feel flutters and jabs when I'm laying down isn't more wonderful than any run I've ever done but it's different. It's a different kind of wonderful. All of this is strange and weird and amazing and confusing and cool! It's just really cool. It means that everything is working. Everything is going according to plan and Little Girl Roney is getting bigger and bigger. It means that with every uncomfortable day that goes by, I'm one day closer to meeting her and she's one day closer to being ready to meet me.

I once saw this shirt that read, "I grow people. What's your super power?" and I think about that shirt almost every day. Anyone can run a race really well. Anyone can ace an exam. Not everyone can have children. I never thought I'd be able to grow a child and here I am, experiencing it first hand. And I'm not just growing any child, I'm growing MY child! My child that has half my DNA and half of Tristin's. I'm not only making myself a mom but I'm making Tristin a dad! I don't think anyone really knows just how well of a dad he's going to be. He's going to be amazing at it and I'm the one who is making that possible. to me, that is just wild! It trumps any abdominal cramp or uncomfortable nights rest any day. It's way more rewarding than getting a PR on 10 miles.

So heck no, I don't feel like a queen, I don't feel on top of the world (physically), I don't feel like a million dollars, but man, oh man, I think and feel as though I'm the luckiest person in the world....I feel like a really proud and happy mom who, when is asked "How are you feeling?" replies with, "Not so hot! This pregnancy thing is HARD!!"

However, ask "what are you thinking about all this?" and trust me, you'll get a very different answer :)